© 2017 by Felicia Michaels

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Motherly Advice to Green Haired Girls

August 22, 2017

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Our Undoing

April 29, 2017

Yesterday, I had to wait at the gate for over three hours at LAX because the plane was running late. A youngish woman asked me to watch her backpack as she wanted to throw something away quickly. 15 minutes later I realize she still hasn't returned, and I start thinking that's kinda odd. I wait about 5 more minutes, no sign of her whatsoever, so I go to the gate agent and explain that a stranger asked me to watch her bag and hasn't come back. Now as I'm saying this, I can literally hear a version of the announcement of "If you see something, say something." The hate agent smirks and rolls her eyes at me, painting me immediately as a goofy-ass busybody. I point up to the heavens at the security recording trailing off. "Aren't we supposed to tell you guys if someone leaves their bag unattended?" The agent starts dressing me down. "Well, then the police will come. Do YOU want to be responsible for the police coming!?" So I'm like, "A stranger just asked me to watch her bag for a millisecond and hasn't returned for 20 minutes...I'm reporting it." The agent now gets huffy and snaps, "What do you want me to do about it!?" "You can do as you please, but I'm going to walk away from this gate, and order a drink at that bar way over there, behind that huge column." As I sat sipping on the last of my cocktail, nothing was done, no one was called, and the idiot woman finally came back for her backpack literally 40 minutes later. All's well that ends well, but seriously as a nation we kinda are the laziest of f*cks, it's really what's going to be our undoing.

 

 

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